MONIQUE MASSACRE

How do you heal a reluctant heart? When it knows the pain of unfairness. Where do you begin to mend the pieces of a broken smile no longer there? I’m sorry. So here I am - an image of perfect pain. In realization I am more alone than ever, no longer a part of an embrace shared by lovers, by friends, I stand in solitude before a mass of stares. I’m sorry I’m so sorry. I could never  return to how I used to be, not after the changes you have made in me. In the mist of smiles and laughter I find myself bound to chains of self-hate from what I did. Again I’m sorry. A parched throat hungers for rain, but with lips sewn shut, my cries unheard ,and these tears to match the grey skies above me, no longer seen against the blur of self given pain. Im sorry the dark crevices of my mind plead protesting truth that was known within. A secret realization of paranoia unknown sends the heart into seizure only you know how to feed. Im sorry. How cruel my fates may be to toy with hearts of the untamed. allowing the first few steps of freedom only to be snatched back to a cruel reality. Im sorry. I could never let go without saying goodbye. These words my apologies choke up behind cracked and bloodied lips. I could always remember you by fingertips. The pain wil supsidr, reason promises this. Im sorry. Empty words mean no more than empty smiles from now on I can’t promise truth of happiness. The lies inside, they multiply, by the sum of your absence. Monochrome pictures lie behind my eyelids because of you. Im sorry. Slate colored skies and muted colors paint my world. Im starved for your life, the tender breath of eagerness but this heart is undeserving. I feel it in my soul. The title of my pain is the day I let the perfect girl go. The day I let you go. Im sorry. You left me wondering why I just couldn’t be something inside of me that you wish I could see. And you know I blame myself for all of this. You knew I loved you even before you asked. But wish you could have seen it in my eyes. Im sorry. And you would never understand the blame I feel every time I remember how much your tears were real. As I wander off. As I abandoned you. So this pain is something I have to go through. I am so sorry. Was there ever a reson why you loved me before .or do you love me now as you say. The reason why I crave is because I am deprived. By the wickedness of selfishness of need to want. im sorry. And if its any consolation, I promise you this that my love for you is still and shall forever remain strong. No hurt will I feel as long as I know you were real and the only pain is that I fell heard and fast . you were the best thing I had that lasted.